Tuesday 24 March 2020

Social distancing

cycling alone

The last few weeks have been tough; this week got tougher.

With each development in the Coronavirus saga my anxiety stepped up; my depression got deeper.

It was pretty much under control. My way of dealing with depression and anxiety is to put problems and worries in boxes, and keep them closed. I try to only open the boxes one at a time, when I'm going to deal with them. New issues are either dealt with or put in a new box.

Each box has a label: needs to be sorted soon, can be kept closed for a while, I can't resolve the contents, and not important.

Occasionally a couple of boxes are accidentally opened together. That is not a good day, but the labels help. I deal with or close them depending on my filing system.

But this week I had a mini earthquake in the admin room. Most of the boxes fell over and opened, plus I had to add a new one that I wasn't sure how to label.

I tried to carry on with work, look after my wife and get the chaos in order.

I made it until lunch time; I called my boss. It wasn't easy to admit, even though everyone has done as much as they could to help. To accomodate how I need to work.

I went for a ride on the bike to clear my head. Until I was on the call hadn't realised how on edge I had become. I shouldn't have worried about talking, Henry understood. I hadn't maybe told him all that was going on in my head, but he knew enough. It did feel like a weight had been lifted. The stacks of containers are a little tidier now, if not completely shut.

caterham view
A chance to tidy up
I have a great circle of family and friends who, if I need them, will help, or listen. Knowing I have them allows me to deal with everything. Moof IT have been brilliant as I have said above.

I'm lucky to have such a good support network. Even if I don't involve them as much as maybe I should, it's good to know I can get help with my filing when I need it.

Hopefully I'll soon be cycling in groups to pubs and cafes again. Here are a few pics from the last few years.

Everyone in my circle helps so much to enable me to get out on my bike.

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