Black and white film

I was initially stumped for ideas. What theme could I use for this post? I'd never used this type of film so considered the shot before taking the picture. During the editing in the digital age I'd "test" to see if a picture might look better without colour. It was rare to think about it before pressing the shutter button. Maybe that wasn't the right process, but it's what I did.

This genre normally produces gritty, arty images, or cityscapes decay and drama. I don't have this locally. I did have long shadows. I planned a walk around this idea.

As I wandered around I realised I'd missed an opportunity; autumn. Not for the colours, but for a chance to create something a little different. You always see golds, reds and oranges during this season. 

Could I have done it a little differently? I used what was still in evidence.

 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

A few months have past since the above. Now into 2024 I went for a walk around Kenley airfield.  

Established in 1917 aeroplanes were constructed from sections and flown to Europe for combat in the First World War. 

 

Kenley was a very important airfield in the Second World War, and during the Battle of Britain was responsible for the defence of a large airspace over southern England.

Most of what was there during the Second World War has gone or overgrown.

There are information plaques and a memorial. 

I think black and white suited this walk.

Ch ch ch changes

More bike news. In July I rode to the Isle of Wight, or at least most of the way. Link.

Close to Portsmouth I was knocked off by an inconsiderate, impatient, stupid driver. In January I finally got a payout from her insurance. It wasn't the full amount I should have received, but that was because the police wouldn't prosecute for due care and attention. It seems unless there is video evidence they don't bother. I wonder if they use the same logic for other wrongdoing; I doubt it.

The levers were functional but damaged. I also replaced the cranks. The later were okay but I was sourcing the parts from ebay and had a little money left to pay for them. I also didn't replace all of the clothing to save a bit more.

Why did I replace the cranks? I wanted a shorter set; since I broke my hip it hurts occasionally on longer rides and when I use the dropped part of the handlebars for an extended period. Both symptoms suggest there is a slight restriction to the range of movement; this change should help. And they have a power meter built in. This isn't really necessary, but I thought; why not? It would be interesting to see how much power I produce and if I improve as the year progresses.

The saddle had started to fray and I think it's a bit too narrow. The replacement is wider, shorter, supposedly 3D printed and carbon fibre in its construction. I say supposedly because it comes from China via Aliexpress so you never really know. I could be doing the supplier as disservice. Maybe the only way it could have been produced would be by this method. 

The mountain bike has had one for a while, and it does feel better than the previous perch. Including a replacement carbon seat post it also shaved off an extra 200 grams. The Kona is now well under 13kg, a massive improvement. Link.

The bar tape needed to be replaced, I went from black as it had been to orange to complement my Kona.

It ain't easy

 

As we get older keeping fit gets harder. I think it's tougher than getting fit in the first place.

When you start to exercise you have a great goal; improve from where you are. And you're younger.

There are many reasons for becoming less fit.

It's a natural process.

Muscle loss and changes:

• Sarcopenia: This refers to the age-related decrease in muscle mass and strength. It starts around 30 and accelerates after 50, mainly due to a decline in protein synthesis and hormonal changes like reduced testosterone and growth hormone.
• Fiber type shift: Older adults lose more fast-twitch muscle fibers, responsible for power and speed, than slow-twitch fibers used for endurance. This contributes to decreased strength and performance in activities like sprinting and jumping.

Physiological changes:

• Metabolic shift: With age, our bodies become less efficient at using energy and tend to store more fat, leading to weight gain and reduced fitness levels.
• Cardiovascular changes: The heart becomes less efficient at pumping blood, and arteries lose elasticity, affecting oxygen delivery to muscles and reducing exercise capacity.
• Joint stiffness and pain: Arthritis and other joint issues can limit mobility and make physical activity uncomfortable, leading to reduced participation.
  

Lifestyle factors:

• Decreased physical activity: As we age, we tend to become less active due to various reasons like changing priorities, health issues, or limitations. This inactivity further accelerates muscle loss and fitness decline.
• Poor diet: A diet lacking in protein, essential nutrients, and antioxidants can hinder muscle repair and recovery, contributing to weakness and fatigue.

I took part in a study a few years ago. Link. It was to investigate how muscles change and the affect of exercise on the speed of decline.

 

Now that I am fairly fit for my age motivation plays a big part in maintaining it. At the back of my mind is the fear of undoing what has taken many years to accomplish. 

I also have to enjoy being active.

 

I have the balance right at the moment.

Boredom is the reason I have started a new regime. The bad weather meant that I was spending more time on the trainer in the garage. I used to ride for an hour, now twenty minutes is as much as I can bear. Running gave me a goal: to complete a marathon before I'm sixty. I'll be 58 this year so I have some time, a half marathon in May will be the first big test. I now ride before work and run after it. At first I felt very stiff as I pounded the pavement. Whilst I don't yet feel 100% comfortable it is getting better. 

 

Running was my chosen sport at school, but that was primarily because I wasn't good at football, cricket etc. Cross country was the best; I ran out of the school grounds, then walked chatting with mates. Remembering to sprint a bit near the end to ensure we were out of breath at the finish.

I have a daily routine, but it would be very easy to start skipping parts of it. Gradually I'd fill my days with other activities, or worse just sit and do nothing. This is when having others involved makes a huge difference. I have always had Matt to meet at various locations on the weekend. I know neither of us would have cycled regularly without the camaraderie this brought. But, as it did for so many people, covid changed that. For months we rode alone. When we were allowed to mix and stop at cafes etc we had altered our tradition. I had joined a cycling club. Here's a link to why I joined Oxted Cycling Club. Saturdays are for club rides, and Sundays are for chats with Matt at Sheree's cafe in Tatsfield.

So how do I keep motivated to run? Apart from the fact it means I'm out of the garage I now have a goal. And a running buddy. My local bike shop owner runs a few days a week. On a Wednesday he starts from the workshop. He is quicker than me so the rest of the week is training to improve my speed. Also a mate signed up to a half marathon, noticed I had started running and mentioned it to me. So I signed up to do it.

Hopefully this will mean I stay fit and active for many years. 

 

Please keep checking my blogs for the adventures good health allows.

Logo provided by link.

Negativity

Life is tough. It can be hard to cope. It can feel like you have no control or influence.

Part of how I made a change was to remove negativity.

Social media was a big factor. It's too easy to follow a downward spiral of reading and engaging in other people's problems. I don't mean ignore their pleas for help or support though. I don't get involved in the arguments they have, the promotion of only the dark side of every situation. 

I don't participate in group discussions about others. If their actions or inactions cause stress then time I spend talking is unproductive. It perpetuates that negativity, so I don't invest my energy.

It's not easy to change, it took many years.

This blog helped me to see it, and slowly alter my internal monologue.

My process for a post is to start with a title and then random sentences. I'll often leave it and return a number of times over a week or sometimes longer. Slowly it will make sense and have a structure. I try not to make it into a list of actions or instructions. 

As I read, alter and re-read it I remove negativity. The first time I wrote about my depression was here. It was a watershed moment. It allowed me to really think about the direction I was going. To reflect on what I allowed my inner voice to say. 

I've written many since then. Link.

Gradually I noticed a change in what I wrote and thought. I had slowly reprogrammed myself. I still have dark moments, days or weeks. But I don't feed them by seeking out anything that might reinforce those feelings.

My bread journey continues

A while ago I baked some bread. Link. It didn't go exactly to plan, it tasted ok though. I've had a few more goes since then.

The first was following a recipe on the flour packet. 

The house smelt more bready than it had before. This time the dough rose and it was less dense. And it tasted great. 

A work colleague told me he baked a yeast free loaf. So this second version used self raising flour and appletiser. 

I expressed surprise at the inclusion of this sparkling apple drink. But went ahead the next weekend when the spelt loaf was finished.

A little burnt on top. Very crunchy, and tasty. And lighter, even if it doesn't look like it. 

This did mean I had two packets of flour. I decided to do what some commercial bakers do; create a 50/50 loaf, using all the items I now had in my cupboard. They combine wholemeal and white flour, my bread was a little more "radical".

 

The first sign that this new "Frankenstein" loaf might be different was after the second proving stage. I had kneaded it, left it to rise. Then kneaded again and left it to rise in the bread tin. The dough was overflowing. I gathered the extra flow and scooped it back into the mix. Placing it in the oven I was not sure how this was going to turn out. Would it burst out all over? What shape would it grow into? 

 

spelt and self raising flour loaf cooling

 

The house had the best "bready" smell so far as it baked. So an initial win.

spelt and self raising flour loaf sliced

I am really impressed with how it tastes, it's the lightest so far and still has a nice crunchy crust.

I'm going to get a bigger bread tin so that I can produce a loaf closer to shop bought size.

 

 

Loss and grief

This a deeply personal post. It's taken a long time to write. Although I have talked about it face to face and have started to come to terms with my loss. I needed to also write about my thoughts and feelings. It is what this blog has evolved into afterall. And as I have hoped in the past; it may help others. 

I wrote this using the terms us and we. I can't in reality know what Marcia was thinking. We did talk a little, but she wanted to keep her thoughts to herself, and I respected that.

She had Multiple Sclerosis for nearly the whole time I knew her. It's affects took many years to manifest themselves. That was the first loss and grief we experienced. We had lost part of what Marcia had been. She didn't let it affect her everyday life. Despite the limitations that had been imposed.

Over the years the progression took more, adaption and to an extent and acceptance allowed us to get by. 

Then the diagnosis of cancer landed on us. Again a certain amount of acceptance and resignation overtook us.

It's been a rollercoaster of emotions. At first the outlook was better than expected. But there were consequences. Marcia couldn't support herself to sit up, and her hands and arms were almost completely immobilised. Assistance with eating and drinking was required. I ensured I visited for at least one meal time each day.

Various infections would come and go, causing temporary escalations in symptoms.

At the beginning of December a move to a care home for rehabilitation seemed to be a positive step forward. But after a week Marcia started to feel very unwell. A trip to A&E followed.

Then the news confirming what we had both worried about. The cancer had returned, spread extensively and was now untreatable.

After this it was back to dealing with the everyday stuff. Making sure she was comfortable and being as normal as possible. 

I found myself looking forward to the new year. As is normal during December. That's when it really hit; I'd not have Marcia with me. We were married for 26 years, and had been a couple for a few more previously.

It's okay to have shed some tears while reading this, I did while writing.

Please take away from this some thoughts:

Don't let anger or resentment of others control you. Or take up your time; it's too precious and fleeting.

Laugh more.

Talk more. Incredible people in our lives meant so much to us. And still do to me. I could not have coped without them. 

Don't always take life too seriously.

Don't waste time and energy competing with and comparing yourself to others over houses, cars, holidays and money.

Cherish the people in your lives.

I feel very raw and in pain at the moment. But I know this will pass. Eventually I will be able to focus on the joy having Marcia in my life brought me. And the memories we created between us and with others.

I will always love Marcia; not having her physically with me won't change that.

Thank you to everyone who improved our lives by being part of it.