When it gets too heavy

Whilst talking to a friend recently I had cause to look back and think how far I had come from the feelings of total exhaustion prior to Jan 2020.

I realised that I had changed from always seeing the negative in what I said, did and heard. Constantly adding more pressure onto myself. I now have more energy. It's wasn't just physical tiredness. My mind wouldn't, or couldn't switch off. It felt like a physical weight, a restriction at every joint, and a dull ache in my muscles.

There were days when it wasn't this way, but not many. Now less days have me looking forward to going back to sleep the moment I wake.

Contrary to what you might think, cycling and expending energy has been a big part of this change. After a ride I am energised, and my mood is lifted. I sleep better - a major improvement - which aids my ability to cope.

I returned to cycling as an adult about fifteen years ago. I live on the top of a hill, so every return journey had me pushing the bike up those final hills. I'd ride as far as I could before the world started to go grey. Each week this would happen a few feet further up the hill, I'd set a target of one more lampost. Eventually I completed the climb without getting off.

That's how I deal with other challenges. Break it down into smaller tasks, and be satisfied at the completion of each of them. And ask for help.

When it gets too heavy, share the load.

Working title

How do the blog posts come about?

Some are the result of a specific goal, the photowalks for instance, or cycling topics. Photoshoots have been off limits since this one; this one just made it before the start of the first lockdown.

Others come about as a result of reading or viewing something interesting, I give you my views.

I write a few reviews about an item I have bought, especially if it was a replacement, or about a topic I have covered in the past.

Finally inspiration can arrive during my cycle rides.

The title changes many times as I write, I frequently spend many days or weeks editing. A whole paragraph can be cut during.

These paragraphs often start other posts. 

Or I just have a title; weeks can pass before I start adding text.

I often have more than one idea in progress, as I wrote this one there were three others waiting in the wings.

I make an effort to be positive, it would be wonderful if my words lifted a readers spirits. Or started a new thought process that helped in some way.

When the weather improves I might start going for early morning walks or rides. Seeing the sunrise could be a great way to start the day. And set me writing another post, or just take a few nice pictures.

It's okay to be ordinary

I know a fair bit about computers. I'm quiet good at troubleshooting problems in general. I like the pictures I take. Cycling is important to me, I can talk to people about how it keeps me fit and improves my mental health. I know some of the technical aspects.

I have a house, and food to eat. Great family, friends and employer.

And that's enough for me.

I do use Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Strava. And this blog. It's not to acquire likes or kudo's. They are to share my thoughts and experiences. 

Unfortunately these platforms also propogate untruths, false information and unrealistic hope. They sell aspirations that may not be right for the reader.

Telling people to live their dreams, or do what you are passionate about can be a positive message, but it can lead to being dissatisfied with present circumstances. Or to making bad decisions. I am passionate about cycling and photography, but the chances of me making a living from either are slim. I post pictures to the platforms I have mentioned, and some get a like or two. But I wouldn't base my happiness or livelihood on that reaction.

We don't all have to be high flyers, entrepenuers, or risk takers to be happy. And just because your life isn't as others appear doesn't make it less valid or fulfilling.

Being hopeful, postive and content with the future is my goal.

And remember; it's okay to be ordinary. I am.

It's cold out there, a week with a trainer

The spiteful weather is testing my determination to ride everyday. It's not just the cold, but the rigmarole involved in getting out. The layers of clothing, the decision about which route is least likely to be icey. Then when I get home the pain as my hands and feet warm up. Yes, despite many different gloves and overshoes, I'm still not able to get as warm as I'd like. 

I mentioned to a friend that I had slid on ice a couple of weeks ago and hurt my hip. He lent me a trainer. I've now used it a few times, and it's a game changer. I had been getting very disillusioned because of the weather so it came at the right time. I get anxious if I think I may not get out, now I don't have to worry.

I'm not sure how to make it more like a real ride though. Do I include sections with almost no effort to mimic a downhill? I haven't, so my average speed and distance covered is less. On the other hand it means I'm working all of the time, I must therefore be getting fitter - I think.

The prep before a ride is minimal, I only have to worry about ice on the walk to the garage and I don't get cold and wet.

Another upside is that I can listen to music; I use it to vary the intensity of the ride. Once warmed up I increase the resistance and them speed up or slow down depending on the beat of the track. Punk or ska means a sprint at maximum effort. It seems to work okay, each session during the week is an hour. Starting in long and short sleeved jerseys, I quickly remove layers. By the end I'm in just shorts, both jerseys discarded. 

At the weekends I have been timing my outdoor rides for the warmest part of the day. Saturdays normally allow for bigger distances. To be honest though, at the moment I much prefer the garage to the road. The longest I have managed is two hours. It gets boring, and because I am at home there is the temptation to stop. My target is 60 miles, about four hours; it's going to be tough. I didn't do it this weekend.

Which leaves Sunday; and the meetup with Matt. It's still allowed, and we keep a distance from one another. But the snow and ice means I'm likely to postpone until the weather improves. Sorry Matt.

So it's another two hours in the garage.

Honour

A word that means so much. Many other words form a group that contributes to this all encompassing, you could say creed. 

Traits I associate with the word: integrity, trustworthy, reliable, respectful, consideration, empathy.

It's a willingness to put others first, if that is the right thing to do. Without losing yourself in the process.

Too many put themselves above all else, they barely consider how their actions, or inaction affects others.

The anonymity of social media means it's easy to remove yourself from the consequences of words; to not appreciate their power.

It is saddening that people record others misfortune, and then post it online. They find humour in it, or use it as a way to denigrate. Someone may be facing the worst episode of their lives, and ghouls rush to record it. 

No-one's perfect, we all act or speak without thinking. Making it right can be tough, honour is also admitting when you are wrong.

We need to be less critical of others, it's easy to find fault. It's much harder to accept mistakes and use positivity to move forward. 

If a change of plan is needed, support it.

Don't allow caustic hindsight to wear people down.

Why make life harder?

I don't read many technical reviews about photography, unless I'm looking for new equipment. When I do it's to investigate providing a solution to a problem, it's not simply to buy more kit.

I do read interviews with photographers: how did they achieve success, how do they decide lighting, equipment etc.

Unfortunately there is often a familiar thread to them: photography is not just about equipment, it is art; which I agree with. But one subject, that I don't understand is almost always mentioned. The photographer will say, " I use camera X because it forces me to slow down". What does that means? It's invariably in connection with the use of a piece of old, difficult to use or limited equipment. I get the impression the statement is used to infer some kind of superiority. The article will have mentioned the photographer just considers their camera to be a tool; so why can't they slow down whilst using more mainstream technology?

Are they saying the results of their efforts are better because they were able to overcome the trials imposed by the choice of equipment?

To anyone apart from some other photographers, the process used to produce a picture is irrelevant. Few would care that the camera used was incredibly heavy, was so basic every setting took a maths degree and twenty years of experience to calculate. Or that many peculiarities of the camera had to be overcome before the shutter button was pressed. 

Maybe this is why pictures taken on phones are considered inferior, just because it's so easy. Good composition and an understanding of what you want to achieve isn't dependant on the camera used.

Too many articles and interviews include tired cliches. These lines are used in an attempt to demonstrate superiority or a higher level of knowledge. They can be barriers to a wider inclusion into photography, or encouragement to buy more.

Forget the tech, plan the shot. You'll know if the equipment you have is enough. 

Don't make it more complicated than it needs to be. When a picture is noteworthy because of the process used to achieve it, it becomes a technical rather than a creative process.

It could also exclude people from photography. Some may think because they don't have or can't use the equipment mentioned they can't produce as good or interesting pictures.