What is my purpose?
I'm really struggling with motivation and part of the problem may be that I feel directionless. Is being useful the same as having a purpose, or is it more complicated than that?
What are my goals? To continue working, and do as much for my wife as I can. Are they goals?
I need a purpose or goal that isn't usefulness.
I think maybe what I'm describing is a mid life crisis, normally resulting in a sports car and wearing clothes more suited to someone younger.
My wardrobe hasn't changed and I definitely won't be buying a sports car.
I have been contemplating a lighter, faster bike. I doubt I'll go for it though. The bike I have delivers what I need. Saving a kilogram or so isn't going to improve that very much. It's gradually been upgraded to address shortcomings to the point where a replacement would have to be expensive to make a meaningful difference.
Maybe I'll emulate Ian Walker or Emily Chappell with some ultra endurance cycling.