What is depression?

For me it's an umbrella term. 

I'll start this by saying I'm no expert, these are just my thoughts.

Depression doesn't just mean feeling low, unmotivated and unsure of the future. 

Anxiety, stress, low self esteem; they all contribute. 

The voice that says your aren't good enough, you won't succeed, your lack of skill or knowledge will be found out.

They all swirl around, maybe not always front and center affecting my life. Sometimes it will be just one symptom. And I can cope, other times they gang up and present more of a challenge.

 

A better definition of depression would be that it depresses quality of life, it stops you seeing and reaching your potential. It limits you, applies blinkers and reigns you in.

When it gets bad I stop looking too far ahead. 

 

Are there goals I can achieve that are closer?

Are there causes of stress or anxiety that I can't control?

What can I control?

Perhaps the hardest is to remember my successes. Why are mistakes so crystal clear and easy to recall?

I also look for distractions, probably a bit controversial this one. A mindfulness course leader said this is not a good tactic. But it works for me. I get on my bike and pedal and gain perspective. Especially at the end of a working day I can switch off; most of the time. Having a stresser in my head isn't healthy. I don't sleep or relax, both build over time to then affect all parts of my life. Maybe it's why I'm feeling the way I'm at the moment. Too much is getting in the way of cycling, or making it difficult.

I start the process of boxing up my issues and worries. 

Each box has a label: needs to be sorted soon, can be kept closed for a while, I can't resolve the contents, and not important.

I live for lists: partly because my memory isn't great, but also to cope. I feel less overwhelmed if I have  a plan. I'm sure a lot of people who know me wonder why I always need to see the future and work to rules or instructions. It's because if these are in place, I can then stop worrying about it.

 

It mainly comes down feeling in control. I am anxious because I haven't at least planned what I might do. Even if I'm not sure of the solution, I need a next step or task.

Keep it clean

 

Bike mainetance maybe cheaper than yearly spending on a car, but it still a consideration.

Two new tyres for the Kona, one for the trainer, sorting a brake problem on the Giant, a new lock and rear light cost around £150 over the last thirty days. I don't commute so my outlay could have been higher.

Each time I have ridden into work I've saved £14.10, so that's £52.30 in total. Doing it everyday would cause more wear and tear, although I'd still be ahead over the year. I'm glad though that it's only once a month, because WFH is even cheaper.

What can I do to reduce costs? 

Keep the bikes clean; something I have been very bad at in the past. I rode until they stopped, then half-heartedly pointed a hose at them. My mileage has increased considerably over the last couple of years so that level of concern would have resulted in way higher expenditure. I'm sure Ross looked on with dread as I walked into his shop back then. 

The picture at the top is a bit extreme. Half way along the South Downs Way the bikes were suffering; at several points the wheels were so clogged they stopped turning. We did hose off the worst of it at the overmnight stop. But hadn't planned, as I would have now, to at least bring chain lube. Everything was pretty badly worn at the end.

a typical condition

The view above is what the bikes would usually look like. There was a gradual build up of mud, not so bad for the frame and wheels maybe. But not good for the brakes and gears. I used to get home, lock up the bike in the garage and forget about it for a week.

 

I once had a b&b owner not want my bike taken inside for overnight storage because it looked so bad.

Only when the chain started to jump off the sprockets at almost every change would I head over to see Ross. A cursory clean would never provide the hoped for improvement. Everything lasts a lot longer now, and Ross has a smile on his face as I approach.

A clean bikes makes dealing with punctures and a dropped chain nicer as well. You still get a bit mucky hands but it's an easier clean.

 

It's also a good time to check for damage or fatigue. It's better to deal with something you discover now than on the road when a failure could have catastrophic consequences.

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Russell if you are reading this; I know what you're going to say about my clothing. In my defence, I didn't know any better and black was pretty much the only colour companies produced back then. It was almost all off-road too.

Hibernation

I don't mean I'll be sleeping in a cave for the next six months, although it does appeal.

The club have shorter outings and I'm less inclined to go too far on my own. If it's been freezing overnight I'll either be in the garage or going out much later, I never thought about it much before. I have ridden in snow many times, it was fun for a while. The cold sets in quickly and then it's just not nice. And I've slid off too, resulting in just cuts and bruises. This year I have discovered that I no longer bounce.

It's difficult to know what to wear: is it going to rain, how cold is it going to be? 

Last weekend I was repeatedly soaked, but warm. I rode to work on Friday, and overdressed. This meant I was a little sweaty on arrival, luckily no-one noticed or at least commented. It was dark on the way home but I still had to remove a layer early on.

The video is from the ride into the London on Friday, through the center of Croydon. It felt like scene a from that Hitchcock movie.

Motivation takes a nosedive; luckily the garage trainer means I can have daily exercise even when the weather is bad. It's an old school unconnected contraption, no zwift etc for me. 

About thirty minutes is about all I can stand, it used to be an hour but a week of that and it starts to put me off riding completely. I once did over three hours to complete one hundred km, never again. Maybe next year I'll look at a smart trainer, I can race others in the club or anyone in the world.

I don't want to lose fitness, hopefully next year will see me completing a full season of time trials. 

So for me hibernation is more virtual, less cafe stops mean socialising diminishes, I do less outside and spend more time in my cave. Looking forward to the first signs of spring already and the plans I have for 2023.

Is getting wet so bad?

The last couple of weeks have been wet. I've gotten soaked more often than not. Is that a bad thing? Should it stop me riding?

The roads are slippery, you can't see potholes obscured by puddles, and there is a lot of debris that could be the cause of punctures.

I've written about the lack of good clothing before. The main problem is that you can quickly lose body temperature.

I have jackets, jerseys, gloves and shoes covers that promise a dry ride. Their cost varies but they all have one thing in common; they are at best only partially successful.

Some cause me to get so hot that I'm covered in sweat, so not much dryer than without them. Others just don't work. The better options do at least keep me warm, like a wetsuit does for divers. As long as I keep moving the layer of water next to my skin doesn't become a problem. If it's not too cold or windy I don't mind getting a bit wet.

Hands and feet are a bigger problem. Nothing keeps my feet dry, again the neoprene in the covers or socks means they don't get too cold. My hands can really suffer. I have to keep them dry. Gloves from Stolen Goat are the best so far until it becomes torrential. Spending more hasn't given better results.

The last affect of a downpour is when stopping at a cafe. I have to peel off soggy clothes and the owners aren't impressed with the water I bring in. A trail across the floor and a wet patch on the seat doesn't go down well. It's also when the cold can start to bite. I tend not to stop for these reasons, unless I know I can stay outside and be served quickly. A coffee certainy helps to ward off the cold and tiredness. 

If there is likely to be ice about, I now stay inside. I haven't in the past and I've been very lucky; until this year. Riding on snow is fun for a while; unfortunately the slower pace means I can't stay warm, and it's easy to fall off.

Mind games

 

What makes an athlete different? 

They have physical attributes that give them an advantage. To a degree it's why they pursue a particular sport. But it takes more than that to excel.

Where do normal people like you and I fit in?

We too have adaptations that allow us to improve. I have larger than average lungs.

It's often said they can suffer more. When the training or race starts to hurt, there is no let-up. They know that muscles can perform passed when the mind is calling it a day. 

The mind can be a great enabler, or barrier. It needs training. We can all do it like the pro's.

Don't give up: 

a hill isn't the barrier it might appear, 

you'd be surprised what distance you can cover,

or just exercise regularly.

Don't take it to such an extreme you no longer enjoy what you are doing though. 

 

Set a target: weight lose, distance, time. And stick to it, but don't beat yourself up if you miss it sometimes. I used to use Strava challenges. You can join them to set a target you aim to complete in a month.

Maybe the riding I do is too much. In the garage during the week, with my club on a Saturday and to meet Matt on Sunday. I don't always feel like it, especially after work. But I know I'll feel better if I do; it works for me. 

 

So I guess it's the right amount. 

 

Everyone needs to find their happy place.

Controversial mushrooms

Before you get the wrong idea I don't mean psychedelic. I've been eating roasted mushrooms for a while, but it was never really enjoyable. The texture was a little "wet" and not incredibly appetising or tasty.

Then I came across a new way; boiling. Apparently this method has detractors. For me it's a game changer, it elevates the humble fungus. I've tried it with three kinds and it has improved them all. 

I add enough salted water to cover them and keep going until the water evaporates. Then fry for a couple of minutes with a small amount of oil and garlic, maybe with black pepper and chilli paste. 

The dish above is a five bean chilli. The mushrooms in place of meat was perfect. I even had some left for my Sunday dinner.

mushrooms instead of roast beef

A few Sundays ago I had a "roast", although only the potatoes were cooked that way. 

Another piece of advice while I'm here - I no longer boil water on the gas hob. It's very inefficient to heat water in this way. I use a kettle and then continue with the burner. It's quicker and cheaper. 

The microwave is also a much more cost effective way to heat food.