Sunday, 30 May 2021

Two voices

negative and positive voices
A couple of weeks ago I had a tough and great weekend.

The good bit; I saw mum, my sister and family, I even cycled over there. Really pleased that I did, not only because I haven't seen them for six months. It was also nearly as fast as driving would have been; heavy traffic most of the way. It was great riding past so many stationary cars. I didn't get soaked until the homeward journey. I think just over an hour on my mountain bike covering 15 miles each way is very satisfactory.

The bad bit; starting on Friday I didn't sleep much, I was tired, but just couldn't let go. I don't know what I was thinking or worried about that kept me awake.

I tried a hot drink, reading, just laying in bed staring at the ceiling was never going to work. Sunday was an early start, I had arranged a sportive, the subject of a previous post. I enjoyed the ride, but wasn't that feed up that it ended early. I even gave my bike a thorough clean when I got home. If only I hadn't lost my gloves. Probably left on the wall when we stopped to assess the failed brakes.

But when Monday rolled round, I was knackered and feeling very low. I survived the week, gradually feeling better each day. More in this post.

There is a voice that tells me I did well, but I ignore it. The other voice saying the opposite is much more persuasive. I have to listen to the positive one.

I need to give myself a break, not be so critical. And accept praise when it comes my way.

There are other parts to this: imposter syndrome, always being convinced I just said something that will make people avoid or dislike me, being over critical, over thinking.

I know most people experience these from time to time; they can't be allowed to dominate, that's my problem.

1 comment:

  1. Totally understand this post and you mustn't beat yourself up over stuff, it's not worth it; you're right, we all do it, I certainly do. I'm always fretting about whether I've riden enough miles or why people sail past me when I'm riding the bike and disappear, leaving me miles behind. I fret that I don't earn enough money and blame myself and get inwardly bad-tempered, it goes on and on and on; and sometimes I wake up in the middle of night fretting about something, normally work-related.You're not alone. A lot of the time it's just about getting away and de-stressing and I think cycling is a great cure, as you know.